So after some recent events, I just could help myself but to point out flaws of bullies... The first thing to be said, no I was not bullied at work or anywhere else, just know of a situation which sounds like a 3rd grade classroom and needed to toss it out... :)
With that said here it is....
Bullies target because of:
Being good at your job. Being the expert and the person to whom people come to for advice, getting more attention than the bully.
Having a well-defined set of values which you will not compromise.
Having at least one vulnerability that can be exploited.
Showing independence of thought or deed.
Jealousy and envy are strong motivators of bullying.
Regularly choose the target by offensive remarks and language or give the silent treatment.
Degrade, threaten, or humiliate.
Wow, sounds like something a kid would do when they need to feel better about themselves right or want attention??
Types of bullies:
Sadistic, narcissistic bully
Lacks empathy for others. Has low degree of anxiety about consequences. Narcissistic need to feel omnipotent. May appear to have a high self esteem but it is actually a brittle narcissism.
Imitative bully
May have low self esteem or be depressed. Influenced by the surrounding social climate. May use whining or tattling or be manipulative. Often responds well to a change in the culture of the classroom or social setting. If depressed may need other intervention.
Impulsive bully
He is less likely to be part of a gang. His bullying is more spontaneous and may appear more random. He has difficulty restraining himself from the behavior even when authorities are likely to impose consequences. He may have AD/HD. He may respond to medications and behavioral treatment and social skills training. He is also likely to be bullied.
Accidental Bully
If bullying is a deliberate act, this individual might not be included. The behavior may be offensive because the individual does not realize that his actions are upsetting the victim. If someone patiently and compassionately explains the situation, the individual will change the behavior. Sometimes social skills need to be taught. There is some overlap with the impulsive bully.
Okay, so we can ALL be a bully at sometimes, even without realizing it but if you call someone a name because you refer to yourself as the same and think it's okay, guess what - it's not... Though perhaps accidental, other things not so much...
Bullying and social stability
One might look at adult bullying as a mechanism of social control. Employers, government officials, and others in authority wish to retain and increase their control and authority. If power and control are central to the existence of an organization, bullying and denial about the existence of bullying may be central to the stability of the organization. Rules, regulations and clear lines of authority are not the same as institutional bullying. A person who might grow up in a family where there was covert intimidation, inconsistent demands and unfair treatment. His parents might single him out for harsher treatment than his siblings but make him feel too guilty to speak out. Paradoxically enough, such an individual might experience a strong sense of relief after joining the military. He would experience more overt yelling and more minute-to-minute control of his activities. Yet he thrives. Why? In the armed forces he would report that he received fair and consistent treatment. The rules were predictable. The expectations were rigorous but clear and predictable. His superiors shouted at him, but they shouted at everyone else. Some superiors might be excessively harsh, but everyone knew who they were and knew what to expect. Intense, highly authoritarian situations sometimes lend themselves to bullying situations. However, this is not always the case. If there are consistent predictable rules and no one is unfairly singled out, hierarchy does not necessarily mean bullying. In strict hierarchical situations, there should always be an avenue for individuals who feel that they are being treated unfairly or being asked to do unethical things.
Well off my soapbox, but still irritated.. oh well, can't win 'em all! :)
Resources:
http://www.ncpamd.com/Bullying_thru_life_cycle.htm
http://www.lifeafteradultbullying.com/
