It's quiet...

and that always gives me time to think. Now, this usually is a bad thing but this morning I have been thinking about how far Caleb has come in terms of his speech and what will happen next year with school and the potential of speech in school.


Firstly, speech has been a large part of our lives for almost 3 years now. I understand now why the parents of my students panic when it's time to end a service. I feel like I'm losing a person who has been a part of my life for 2 years now helping my child find a part of him that would otherwise be lost. Listening to Caleb's constant talk and use of phrases like, "The state police have been dispatched to route 30 to clean up a tri-axel accident." it's really hard to believe that he ever needed speech to begin with. I remember being at a wake for a family member and having another family member talk to me about one day Caleb saying, "I love you mommy." At that time I had no positive indicator that would happen. I was told that Caleb "will spend a long time, years in intensive speech therapy" and even then the hope that could possibly be shed was weeks later introduced with an augmentative communication device (ACD). Clearly, Caleb is a pretty bright kid and sickly loved the activities being pushed at him by 2 therapists 4 times a week until he was 3. He enjoyed the time and followed through with drills in private therapy and worked hard with his early intervention therapist who, we were so fortunate to have since she identified the potential CAS 3 months in. I still remember that October day at his 3 month review being told that Chris, his therapist, and the caseworker believed he had CAS and I would need to get more evaluations completed. This usually required something simple, like a recommendation/prescription to have further evaluation from the pediatrician. I'll skip the anger I hold for Caleb's former pediatrician and his lack of knowledge or desire to treat children not make money but by mid-October we had a hearing screening to ensure it wasn't a hearing issue interfering with communication (I knew this was a non-issue since I requested this when he had his tubes put in at a year old) and then soon heading back to have an intense speech evaluation. By mid-December I was told that Caleb should go to pre-school (near impossible for a 2 year old who was not potty trained) and that he should enter private speech therapy. Now fast-forward a little more than 2 years and a lot of work of everyone (Caleb, us, my parents, Matt's mom and step-dad, and really a crew of the best therapists) and Caleb never stops talking.

With this idea that private therapy may soon end, I requested that the Intermediate Unit (IU) re-evaluate him as he had qualified for services last school year but had things get in the way due to the IU. They were very quick to remedy this and he'll be re-evaluated on Friday. The best thing, and something I never thought I would hear, is that his pre-school teachers don't understand why we're having him re-evaluated because they don't notice a thing wrong with his speech. They believe that all his errors are age-appropriate.

I guess we'll see how the evaluation goes! If he somehow manages to qualify for services (articulation only) he'll then transition to school age services in the spring when he turns 5.  I worry about kindergarten. Caleb loves school right now, and while I dislike his teacher he likes her. I worry that next year he might now. I'm again handing my child over to someone else but this time someone I share a profession with. I have high expectations for this person and I almost feel sorry for the pain I may cause them in the near future. So here is my apology in advance - I will be a pain in your a$$ but know that my intentions, as yours should be, are only for the good of my child. I will ask you questions, share my concerns, and probably give my advice on things with my child you won't want to hear. I will not care. I hope that you too are a parent and can possibly understand how hard it is to watch your child struggle with things. Again, I'm sorry now because I know what it is like to have a parent like me. I'm sure that you will hate me at times and will sometimes wish I never existed. You will enjoy my child and say things like, "Too bad his mother is such a pain in the a$$." You will mean this but remember it is the pain in the a$$ parents who actually care. The parents that never ask a question or share a concern are those you need to watch out for. Maybe this is a different idea in a traditional brick and mortar school.


Christmastime, 2010 video

Christmastime, 2011: 

Giggles and Squeals - Christmas is Coming!

With the craziness of the holiday I have to say, I think I'm feeling pretty calm about it this year. All my cards needs are labels, gifts need wrapped (and out of the trunk of the car), and the house is decorated. This has to be a first since having Caleb for sure.

What has been absolutely wonderful is hearing Caleb insanely giggle and squeal like he's never seen a Christmas ornament in his life. They do say it's the small things in life that make you smile the most, well needless to say this is definitely one of them. Considering that 2 years ago he could barely grunt out a sound, I'm pretty excited to hear words like ornament, lights, can I helps, etc... While I have come to the point that I don't enjoy being asked at 7am if we're going to decorate the tree, I happily oblige going to my car to get the extra string of lights that have burned out on the pre-lit tree so that we can get the ornaments on. I also happily oblige to having a 4 year old boss me around as to where "MY" ornaments should go.

It's only a matter of time until he's able to reach the top of the tree and put the star on all by himself and probably won't be so excited at that point. Really, I have to say I miss those moments already even though it hasn't come to it yet, I know in a few short years that sweet little boy might be a grumpy teenager who hates me because I said no. (Note, he threatened to live with Pappy Joe and Gaga Marsha last week because I said no...) So I'm sucking in all the cuteness now because one day I'll be able to show him how cute, helpful, and excited he was.

Outside of the Christmas realm, Caleb is doing pre-school this year at the YWCA. He loves it! He does occasionally get weepy but it's usually quickly passed. Yesterday was one of those days where he wanted me mid-day. Got a little weepy but it's been a while so I really thought nothing of it. After school we go to run our errands, he gets giddy and crazy by passing the time giggling over "chubby cheeks" (squeezing mine and his own cheeks through Wal-mart - so glad I don't care much for what people there think). I get to Five Below and dad (Pappy Joe) calls me to ask if Caleb is okay - "Yes, why??" I'm thinking Caleb was weepy at drop off. He moves on to tell me that Caleb asked him to pick him up and put him on his shoulders and that he told him he couldn't because his knees hurt. Caleb's response was, "Oh, like Big Matt." and he kind of walked away. Dad said nothing. Long story short, Big Matt passed away last week and the funeral was last Thursday. Caleb did go to viewing Wednesday night with us and was a okay. We explained that Matt wasn't in any pain anymore and he was in heaven - I think the typical answer you give a 4 year old when explaining death except with some added detail on a soul (kid is too smart for his own good). So I get him home telling Matt what he told dad and he asks Caleb about it asking if he was worried about Pappy Joe. Caleb's response, "Yes, because he hurts." He walked away and then we realized just how much he understood... Big Matt was in a lot of physical pain and needed a cane to walk in more recent months. So hopefully we can get beyond this phase of worry quickly, but then again he's his mother's child so I'm doubting it.

A little boy's dreams come true...

So let's just say that yesterday Caleb's world was rocked... We went to a firefighter festival that Uncle Jeff was a part of as a firefighter in Harrisville, OH. Caleb was excited to see Uncle Jeff for the simple fact that in Caleb's eyes he IS the best thing ever! In case you haven't figured this out by now, Caleb is absolutely OBSESSED with being a firefighter. So dreams were made when Caleb was taken on the fire truck for the parade AND got to work the sirens and lights. Video to come soon once I can get it off my phone!

Not a baby anymore....

My baby isn't a baby anymore... He now sleeps in his own bed, insists on "helping himself" instead of anyone else helping him, and starts preschool on Wednesday.  I think I'm probably more worried than he is and hope that this year is better. He's with 11 other kids only and in a really small YWCA program so I think it will be. He's all excited that his backpack and coat go in the "rooster cubby" and of course the playground. It's funny to look at all of his baby pictures and then look at him and see how he's grown in the last 4 and a half years. Sometimes I feel like that time was wished away because of school or work and I forgot all about the whole part that I wanted to keep around. I tell him all the time to stop growing and the quick response has always been, "No! I want to grow up and be a strong firefighter!" This two year obsession has gone crazy! Firstly, 2 years seems crazy - obsessed for half your life about being a firefighter seems so extreme but then I wonder if that's what he'll eventually do.  I also laugh as mom tells him that she wants him to go to college. While I do to, I also realize because of work that it isn't for everyone. I guess only time will tell!

Time is flying

It's hard to believe that Caleb is now 4! What the heck happened here? Not only is he 4 BUT he's full of attitude and thinks he's a 30 year old bachelor!

He's also OBSESSED beyond words with being a firefighter - all we hear is "Mommy when I get big I'm going to..." Keep in mind the ... could be "be a firefighter," "have a fire dog and fight fires," and anything else - use your imagination because boy does he!

A boy and his fire dog (Sammie)

In a better situation though, I came to realize while sitting in his speech session yesterday that it's been a year and a half since he's started speech with Miss Christie at the Children's Institute in Norwin. I went from this 2 and a half year old who pointed and grunted to this amazing, non-stop talking, precocious, advantage taking 4 year old who believes he can take on the world and win. My question remains - WHEN did this happen? It's like time stopped and all of a sudden he's almost on target. He's still tough to understand speech wise if you're not around him a lot or if he talks too quickly but the point being I had fears he would always grunt and point. Okay, if you know the kid, you know he's smart - maybe even too smart for his own good - so this was probably a VERY unrealistic fear, but a fear none-the-less.

Baby to Boy!

1 month old - first pictures - still lived in VA.

Hanging out in the bumbo

What a CUTE pumpkin!

First hair cut in Disney World!

We are the men in black! - Looks like he's so big here!!

Moose Hat!

Just before turning 4 - he looks like a little college professor!

Pre-school

Well, in less than a week Caleb will start his school journey at JB's Bright Beginnings in Irwin. I'm not sure who this will be harder on, me or him, even though I know he needs this on so many levels. His new schedule (what 3 year old has this kind of schedule??) is:
Monday - School: 9-11:45
Tuesday - Speech @ 1:15
Wednesday - School: 9-11:45
Thursday - Speech @ 11:45
Friday - Speech @ 8:30, School 9-11:45

At first I worried about this schedule but he's excited for school and he loves his speech classes. We're hoping this will increase his overall speech, but I guess we'll see what happens.

In the mean time, I think I feel worse about pre-school because I can't take him on his first day.  I might try to arrange this with my internship and work so that  I can at least take him Wednesday morning with my dad and then come to Seton Hill... It's going to be a crazy year!

For anyone in the Pittsburgh area, feel free to join our Apraxia walk team on October 2nd! All the proceeds go to CASANA to help fund research for why some kids have this disability.

Adult Bullies.... still dumb, just old..

So after some recent events, I just could help myself but to point out flaws of bullies... The first thing to be said, no I was not bullied at work or anywhere else, just know of a situation which sounds like a 3rd grade classroom and needed to toss it out... :)

With that said here it is....

Bullies target because of:

Being good at your job.

The bully fears exposure of their inadequacy and incompetence, your presence, popularity and competence unknowingly and unwittingly fuel that fear.

Being the expert and the person to whom people come to for advice, getting more attention than the bully.

Having a well-defined set of values which you will not compromise.

Having at least one vulnerability that can be exploited.

Showing independence of thought or deed.

Jealousy and envy are strong motivators of bullying.

Regularly choose the target by offensive remarks and language or give the silent treatment. 

Degrade, threaten, or humiliate.

Wow, sounds like something a kid would do when they need to feel better about themselves right or want attention?? 

Types of bullies:

Sadistic, narcissistic bully
Lacks empathy for others. Has low degree of anxiety about consequences. Narcissistic need to feel omnipotent. May appear to have a high self esteem but it is actually a brittle narcissism.

Imitative bully
May have low self esteem or be depressed. Influenced by the surrounding social climate. May use whining or tattling or be manipulative. Often responds well to a change in the culture of the classroom or social setting. If depressed may need other intervention. 

Impulsive bully
He is less likely to be part of a gang. His bullying is more spontaneous and may appear more random. He has difficulty restraining himself from the behavior even when authorities are likely to impose consequences. He may have AD/HD. He may respond to medications and behavioral treatment and social skills training. He is also likely to be bullied.

Accidental Bully
If bullying is a deliberate act, this individual might not be included. The behavior may be offensive because the individual does not realize that his actions are upsetting the victim. If someone patiently and compassionately explains the situation, the individual will change the behavior. Sometimes social skills need to be taught. There is some overlap with the impulsive bully.

 Okay, so we can ALL be a bully at sometimes, even without realizing it but if you call someone a name because you refer to yourself as the same and think it's okay, guess what - it's not... Though perhaps accidental, other things not so much... 

Bullying and social stability

One might look at adult bullying as a mechanism of social control. Employers, government officials, and others in authority wish to retain and increase their control and authority. If power and control are central to the existence of an organization, bullying and denial about the existence of bullying may be central to the stability of the organization. Rules, regulations and clear lines of authority are not the same as institutional bullying. A person who might grow up in a family where there was covert intimidation, inconsistent demands and unfair treatment.  His parents might single him out for harsher treatment than his siblings but make him feel too guilty to speak out. Paradoxically enough, such an individual might experience a strong sense of relief after joining the military. He would experience more overt yelling and more minute-to-minute control of his activities. Yet he thrives. Why? In the armed forces he would report that he received fair and consistent treatment. The rules were predictable. The expectations were rigorous but clear and predictable. His superiors shouted at him, but they shouted at everyone else. Some superiors might be excessively harsh, but everyone knew who they were and knew what to expect. Intense, highly authoritarian situations sometimes lend themselves to bullying situations.  However, this is not always the case. If there are consistent predictable rules and no one is unfairly singled out, hierarchy does not necessarily mean bullying. In strict hierarchical situations, there should always be an avenue for individuals who feel that they are being treated unfairly or being asked to do unethical things.

Well off my soapbox, but still irritated.. oh well, can't win 'em all! :)

Resources:

http://www.ncpamd.com/Bullying_thru_life_cycle.htm

http://www.lifeafteradultbullying.com/